After Annie: A Novel

Annemarie is now abusing pills and regularly gets prescriptions from various doctors for both real and fake injuries. She lies to her dentist and claims that she is still having pain from the cracked tooth, but she does actually injure her finger while loading furniture into her car, so she gets a prescription for the pain. Finding it difficult to focus on work because of the effects of the opiates, Annemarie remembers the artist who taught her about “speedballing,” or chasing depressant drugs with stimulant drugs. While at a dinner party with Tom, Annemarie hears the host describe her son’s attention issues and steals his meds from the bathroom. Tom notices that Annemarie’s personality changes periodically and accuses her of having an affair. Thankful that he doesn’t suspect her of relapsing into substance use, Annemarie claims that she is just distracted by her growing business, which she has expanded internationally. In truth, Annemarie is regularly sleeping with other men, but she justifies the behavior by telling herself that they are only one-night stands; she believes that she needs the adventure of extramarital affairs because having sex with Tom is boring and gentle, and she wants it to hurt. Annemarie continues attending meetings and claiming that she is nine years sober, but when a young girl calls her on her lie, Annemarie thinks, “Took one to know one” (211). She can tell that Maude is worried about her as well but interprets the woman’s concern as judgment, and she misses Annie’s unique brand of tough love that always kept her out of trouble.

Annemarie attends a trade show in New York, and her items are selling well. After the show, she joins a group for dinner and drinks heavily despite already being high. At the hotel bar, she meets a man named Greg, and they have sex in his room. Annemarie returns to her room and takes more pills. She notices that she has missed calls from Ali and tries to call her back even though it’s in the middle of the night, but she accidentally calls Annie’s phone instead. The following day, she notices that Tom has called her multiple times. She calls and tells him that she is busy with the show, but Tom is angry that he couldn’t reach her.

Liz finds an empty warehouse that Bill can lease to open his plumbing supply. She has already completed the initial paperwork for the loan. While he is looking at the space, the middle school calls to report Ant missing from school. Since Ant’s breakthrough after camp, he has since reverted to stony silence. Ant’s grades are so poor that his teachers passed him on to middle school only because of everything he’s been through. Although his teachers say that he is smart, he is not completing his assignments. Bill goes to the school alone and finds Ali waiting with Miss Cruz, who is now counseling Ant. Miss Cruz leads them to Green View, where Ant sits by the willow tree. Miss Cruz sits with Ant, who is sobbing, while Bill and Ali watch from the car. Realizing that he is failing at helping his children with their grief, Bill apologizes to Ali. She explains that she likes talking to Miss Cruz because the counselor never tells her it will be okay or makes empty promises; instead, she listens. Ali says that Ant’s grief is different from theirs; he may be going backward instead of progressing, and she doesn’t want him to be angry forever.

Miss Evelyn, one of the oldest residents, passes by and says that Ant has been there all day. Bill wonders why no one called him, and Miss Evelyn says they assumed he knew where Ant was. Miss Evelyn encourages Ali to visit. Bill listens, internalizing the truth that he doesn’t really know his children. Miss Evelyn notices his distress, and says, “You will prevail, Mr. Brown. You have no choice” (223). Miss Cruz declares that “prevail” is an appropriate word for the situation.

Ali turns 14, and her family throws her a birthday party. Her father gives her a cell phone because Annie always promised that she could have one when she turned 14. Annemarie comes with 14 balloons, and her grandmother brings a lemon-filled cake from the store. Annemarie instinctively blurts out that Ali doesn’t like lemon filling because she heard Annie say that once. Ali begins crying at the sight of the cake, not because of the lemon filling, but because her mother always made their birthday cakes. Dora chides Ali for crying and labels her as spoiled for refusing to eat the cake. Although Bill tries to de-escalate the situation, Annemarie tells Dora to leave her alone and calls Dora a “cold bitch” for being cruel to a child who has lost her mother. Dora calls Annemarie a “junkie” and says Annie should have never allowed her near the children.

Benjy shouts that the hamsters aren’t moving. The hamsters are dead, and Ali feels awful for not noticing them. Ali and the two younger boys cry, and Dora scolds them for being silly, claiming that they can buy new ones. Bill asks Dora to leave the house, but she claims he can’t make her leave her own home. Bill says he’s giving her notice that they are moving. Assuming he means they are moving in with Liz, Dora tells Liz that she should think twice about letting them move in. Bill interjects that he is buying his own home. Before she leaves, Annemarie gives Ali a card and a $100 bill.

Ali wants to see Miss Cruz, but the office makes her fill out a form that states she is having suicidal thoughts or is struggling with disordered eating, so instead, she decides to visit Miss Cruz at her practice and use her $100 bill to pay. Ali wants to tell Miss Cruz what she saw at Jenny’s house. Ali made new friends over the summer, and Jenny’s family moved away abruptly. Ali explains that since her mother died, she has had intrusive, negative thoughts in which she assumes the worst about every situation, and she wonders if that is why she thinks that Jenny’s dad was hurting her. Miss Cruz explains that sometimes trauma can cause negative intrusive thoughts to influence imagination; however, sometimes what people see is real. She gives Ali her cell phone number, tells her to call anytime she needs to talk, and returns the $100.

Annemarie has Ali over for pizza and apologizes for how she behaved at the birthday party. Ali knows that Annemarie has relapsed, and Annemarie confesses that she stopped using substances the day after the party. She also sent Dora an apology note. Annemarie explains to Ali that Annie helped her to stay sober, but she admits that she has no excuses for her relapse. When Annemarie went to a new doctor to obtain more pills, they did bloodwork that revealed her to be pregnant. Ali is thrilled by the news and declares that Annemarie will be a wonderful mother. Annemarie is moving because Tom left her when he realized that the baby couldn’t be his.

The pregnancy is an epiphany for Annemarie, who finally realizes that she must get sober to improve her health, and she accepts that she can no longer rely on Annie to save her. She remembers how Annie put her job on the line to hide her at the nursing home; this is the reason why Bill holds a grudge against her. Before Tom left, he accused Annemarie of never loving him. She admits to herself that she did love him but that Annie will always be the greatest love of her life. On the way home, Ali reveals that she resents her father for moving on to Liz so quickly. Annemarie explains that men depend on women, but women also need each other. Noticing how much Ali is maturing to resemble Annie, Annemarie reminds Ali of how much her mother loved her. Ali knows, but the thought doesn’t always make her feel better.

Bill tries to be more present for the children by having dinner with them every evening. He briefly considers getting them a puppy but hesitates when he realizes how much work a pet would entail. More than ever, he appreciates and misses the way that Annie cared for all the small things in life, like making sure they never ran out of toilet paper. Bill has never considered himself a planner and enjoys having a job that doesn’t often require him to think about the future. However, he knows that raising children and caring for domestic responsibilities demands organization and planning. He recalls a memory of a party that he and Annie attended at a fancy house. After they left, he asked her if she wanted a home like it. Annie admitted that anyone would love a luxurious home and that she wouldn’t mind having more space, but she wouldn’t trade her life with him and the kids for wealth and comfort.

Miss Cruz calls Bill to meet him for a talk about Ali and Ant. She shares that both children are struggling because they feel that he is trying to “disappear” Annie by never talking about her. Bill shares the struggles he’s had with managing his grief plus that of the children. He admits that he feels inept at helping them. She gives Bill “emotional homework” and encourages him to revive Annie’s memory by talking freely and frequently about her with the children. As soon as he arrives home, Bill covers the fridge with photos of Annie with each child, and he shares a story about how Annie always argued that a grilled cheese is superior to a BLT.