What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma

What My Bones Know is a memoir about healing from C-PTSD written by Stephanie Foo and published in 2022. It begins with Foo’s diagnosis in 2018 and retraces her history growing up in an abusive household. What My Bones Know is notable for commenting on the theme of Trauma and Silence in Asian American Communities. Beneath the homogenizing stereotype of the “model minority” is a diverse group of people who have in many cases survived violence, war, and poverty, yet their suffering remains hidden and unprocessed. With nowhere to go, the accumulated anger and anxieties of the older generation can be passed down to their children. Foo believes this to be the case for her own family and for many of her Asian American classmates in high school.

Foo’s memoir is also a hopeful story about a young woman transforming her C-PTSD from a pathological mental disorder to a manageable, and at times helpful, defining personal trait. Although her diagnosis seems debilitating at first, especially with few resources on healing from C-PTSD, Foo eventually realizes she is not a victim of a mental illness but an individual with agency, capable of embracing and balancing C-PTSD as a fundamental part of herself. Despite the tragedy of Foo’s early life, her memoir ultimately highlights human resilience, agency, hope, and transcendent love for both self and others. Foo has garnered praised for her frank and evocative writing. What My Bones Know ranks first on the Amazon Editors’ Nonfiction Book of the Year list and was a New York Times Bestseller in the year of its publication.

This guide refers to the first edition published by Ballantine Group in 2022.

Content Warnings: This memoir discusses potentially triggering content, including child abuse, physical and mental abuse, torture (non-graphic), neglect, panic attacks, dissociation, depression, and suicidal ideation. Due to the pervasiveness of these themes, content warnings will not be provided for individual chapters. Reader discretion is advised.

Summary

What My Bones Know is divided into five parts and contains a total of 43 chapters. It begins with Foo’s C-PTSD diagnosis in 2018 and her dismay at the eight years of therapy it took to receive this diagnosis. It then details her life experiences, from her childhood to the outbreak of the COVID-19 pandemic.

Part 1 surveys Foo’s childhood and early career. It provides an overview of the physical and verbal abuse she suffered at the hands of her mother and occasionally her father, which eventually caused her to develop C-PTSD. This section includes Chapters 1 to 11.

In Part 2, Foo describes the tentative first steps she took to deal with C-PTSD after her diagnosis. Having quit her job at This American Life, she uses her savings to explore various forms of therapy. Although she is successful in processing her childhood trauma, she is left unsure about how to deal with the lingering depression and anxiety she feels as a result of her C-PTSD. This section encompasses Chapters 12 to 22.

Part 3 discusses the silence surrounding trauma in Asian American communities. Foo argues that trauma cannot be processed if it remains hidden, which can perpetuate a vicious cycle of abuse for later generations. This section includes Chapters 23 to 31.

Foo continues to take steps toward healing in Part 4. She begins therapy with Dr. Ham, who equips her with adequate tools to address certain habits and behaviors she has developed over the years as self-preservation. This section covers Chapters 32 to 35 and discusses the themes of self-love, estrangement, and social integration.

Part 5 explores how Foo finally managed to overcome the idea that she is fundamentally flawed for having C-PTSD. Her marriage to Joey is a culminating moment: She realizes she has built a community of friends and family that fill the void her parents left in her heart. When the COVID-19 pandemic breaks out, Foo credits her C-PTSD with helping her to remain calm and functional while many of her friends spiral into panic and despair. She concludes that C-PTSD is a fundamental part of her biology and can even become her superpower in times of crisis. Foo ends the memoir filled with agency, love, and hope for the future.